In 1965 the New Hampshire Dairymen Association held their annual banquet in Derry, New Hampshire. The banquet was a family affair where dairy farmers from all over the state put on their best flannel and cleanest boots for a chance to win the only prize worth winning, first place in the milk tasting competition. Dairy farmers in New Hampshire are a tight knit community. They help out when help is needed like in bad storms, birthing calves or lean winters but each of them know it's not about how much your produce, it's about how good it tastes. The milk competition is a friendly one which allows old New Englanders to engage in banter and exchange harmless digs. Family, farming, and finance were off limits but milk was fair game. Milk chatter was a hilarious sequence of roasts between neighbors. "How's the ole watered down white whiskey there Charley?" "Milk ain't supposed to have lumps Ed, or did you not notice the judges chewing your milk last year?"
At the banquet all of the big names in New Hampshire dairy were there. Charley Leone, Bob Baker, and Ed Tisdale were legends in the game. There were a few hungry young bucks trying to make a name for themselves and a newcomer to the competition from Coos County, Burt Shelton. The dairymen knew Burt as a good man and able farmer but they didn't know him to have any cows. Burt raised crops like corn, cabbage, beets, beans and squash. He didn't raise cattle, yet here he was with his wife Gabby, daughter Anne and a five gallon drum of the purest milk you have ever seen. The banquet went off with out a hitch. Folks were genuinely happy to see one another. It wasn't everyday they get to be out with their families and not be in farm clothes. The emcee for the evening was Charley's wife Rhoda who had no problem wrangling sour dairymen into a room and keep them in stitches for hours. After regaling farming news from the year past, Rhoda moved swiftly on to the roast portion of the evening before giving out awards. There is nothing more New Hampshire than taking the piss out of you before handing you an award. Awards are being handed out left and right but not always for good reasons. Dale Hollins won "smelliest farmer", there was a best and worst blueberry pie contest. There were also real awards where a community wanted to recognize its piers for their accomplishments like "most helpful neighbor" (this one got the biggest ovation), "best service" or "most well-fed cows". But best in milk was to be determined live right then and there with a panel of judges and a good ole fashioned taste test. The time had come to put all pleasantries aside and name a champion. The judges were called to the stage. There were three judges, Judge Randall Lodge, an actual judge in Rockingham County who grew up on a dairy farm in the area. Karen Christmas a dairy farmer herself and writer for the local paper. And Henrietta Williams the county veterinarian. Their job was simple, sample each bottle and give it a value between one and ten, the highest total wins.
There was silence in the hall as the first unlabeled milk bottles were presented to the judges. A swig or two, swish around, gulp and write their scores. One by one contestants presented their milk to the expressionless judges. They marked their scores with zero indication of their bias. Until contestant number six, Burt Shelton, approached with his milk. The judges sipped from the glass bottles, Anne swore she saw Judge Lodge smile, Henrietta too. The judges made their scores and on to the next. After all ten contestants presented the judges commiserated over their scores to decide a champion. In a display of pageantry the judges named the top three best milks in New Hampshire ending by crowning a winner. Third place went to Ed Tisdale and Tisdale Farms. Ed was thrilled, he'd had a few libations throughout the evening and everything was love at that point, he hugged the judged as he accepted the third place ribbon. Second place went to Bob Baker and Granite Hill Ranch. Bob accepted his second place ribbon with haste, he had been fearing Rhoda's microphone all night. Finally, the time had come to reveal the winner of New Hampshire's Dairymen Association Annual Milk Tasting Competition. Drum roll. You could cut the anticipation in the room with a knife. "The winner is ... Burt Shelton from Blueberry Farms!" The room erupted in applause. Burt's family were ecstatic. Burt went up on stage to receive his honor, he shook the judges hands and turned back to an adoring crowd. Someone from the audience yelled over the cheers "how'd you do it Burt, without any cows?". The crowd laughed in unison. "With beans." Burt replied. The winner of the 1965 New Hampshire's Dairymen Association's Best Milk competition was soy milk.